来源：《今日心理学》
原文刊登日期：2022年3月8日
I have a friend who might be considered by many to be unsuccessful. A young adult, her professional and personal lives have not yet taken off, and while she’s keenly aware of this, she’s not especially bothered by it. By a different set of measures, though, I would say she’s very successful. She’s intelligent and funny and is known as a kind and generous person. She cares for her mother, with whom she lives, and walks dogs and babysits to earn money. She can’t afford luxuries, but she’s well liked, spends her time as she wishes—and she’s happy.
我有一个朋友，可能被很多人认为是不成功的。作为一个年轻的成年人，她的职业和个人生活还没有起色，虽然她敏锐地意识到这一点，但她并没有因此而特别烦恼。不过，从另一套衡量标准来看，我认为她非常成功。她聪明、风趣，是一个善良、慷慨的人。她照顾和她一起生活的母亲，并通过遛狗和照看孩子来赚钱。她买不起奢侈品，但她很受欢迎，可以随心所欲地消磨时间，而且很快乐。
Our classic narratives of success are heavily defined by achievement, acquisitions, and upward mobility. Those who don’t subscribe to these narratives are often cast as “losers.” Yet a body of research shows that the so-called winners are no happier. In fact, according to several studies, outer-directed measures of success are actually less correlated with contentment and life satisfaction than inner-directed ones.
我们对成功的经典描述很大程度上是由成就、购得物和向上流动定义的。那些不认同这些说法的人往往被视为“失败者”。然而，大量研究表明，所谓的赢家并不快乐。事实上，根据几项研究，外部导向的成功衡量标准实际上与满足感和生活满意度的相关性不如内部导向的。
I propose an alternative narrative of success that is more likely to lead to happiness than the one we have been taught to embrace. Those who prioritize inner-directed success know this path. They avoid comparisons to others, knowing that stacking your achievements, no matter how significant, against those of everyone else is an unwinnable proposition. They have a holistic view of themselves, taking their self-worth from a consideration of themselves as complete, unique individuals, and knowing that no one can be more successful at being you than you. They celebrate their victories, no matter how big or small, and accept failures, learning lessons and moving on. And they prioritize relationships, inherently knowing that humans are social organisms and that success can and should be defined by how we relate to others and, ideally, improve their lives.
我提出了另一种关于成功的说法，这种说法比我们被教导接受的说法更有可能带来幸福。那些优先考虑内在成功的人知道这条路。他们避免与他人进行比较，因为他们知道，无论你的成就有多重要，与其他人的成就相比都是不可能获胜的。他们对自己有一个整体的看法，把自己作为一个完整、独特的个体来考虑自己的自我价值，并且知道没有人能比你更成功地成为你。他们庆祝自己的胜利，无论大小，接受失败，吸取教训，继续前进。他们优先考虑人际关系，天生就知道人类是社会生物，成功可以也应该由我们如何理解他人，以及如何改善他人的生活来定义。